she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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