there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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