the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
