hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
