Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
