bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
