Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
