I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sext me about skeletons
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
