I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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