Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I want a musical about memes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
