Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
