it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
