Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
