I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
