"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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