so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
