are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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