so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
