I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
