Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
