So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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