I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
