Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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