I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
