i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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