Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
