dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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