It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
