so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is Oprah even human
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
