Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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