my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
