I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
