But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
