With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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