god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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