I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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