I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He kissed a someone with a penis
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
