Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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