so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
