if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Randomize
