umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
