Porn is love you can see.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
