Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
