wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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