I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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