Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
