weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
