somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
