im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
