i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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