Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
